Too tired to think of a title...

I sat down tonight to write and realized that it has been awhile and I am not sure where to pick up my story….

Jeremy has been here for a couple of weeks and it feels like he was never not here. I try not to think about 4 weeks from now when he has to leave. I will give his update for him. He is enjoying the boatyard. They sent him home today with two gorgeous miniature longtail wooden boats. No idea how we will get them home along with all of the other gifts and dogs and decorations I am accumulating! At this point it is starting to look easier to ship our DC life over here and give up on ever leaving. Ok, just kidding mom and dad! Anyway, Jer is fine and much tanner than me already. He buzzes around on the motorbike, gobbles down all of the food with no stomach problems, is currently hanging a light for me in the house, and has mastered some basic Thai.

Last week we went to Bangkok for my monthly meeting with Save the Children and UNICEF. It is supposed to be a 2 day trip each month but with travel time it really takes up 3 days and thus feels like a waste of an entire work week.

We left on Tuesday morning, drove down to Phuket airport, flew up to Bangkok, took the taxi ride to the hotel (each leg of this well over an hour) and finally I got to the office. It was strange being back in Bangkok since I feel like I have fully left the big city life. Two places could not feel farther apart than Bang Niang and Bangkok. If you haven’t seen it, I can’t describe it. Just noise, cars, smog and buildings. It is very pretty right along the river, and I remember that there are beautiful sights around the outskirts, but the heart of Bangkok which stretches on and on seems so lacking of anything lovely or peaceful to balance the other stuff. It just doesn’t seem quite Thai to me.

I had my meetings which went really well. So far I absolutely love SCUK. They are receptive, caring, generous, and helpful. They treat me like a professional and we all just work well together. I couldn’t have asked for a better organization to work for. It was a great two days to review what my team has done so far and get feedback. Talking about our work here makes me realize that we actually have accomplished quite a bit in such a short amount of time! It doesn’t feel like it each day but it accumulates. Save the Children want me to propose an extension of the project for up to one year which they are hoping to ask UNICEF to fund. I haven’t decided yet what that would look like and if it would necessarily involve me staying here but it is exciting because there isn’t any way we can make real changes here by the end of June. It takes time to build up local capacity before leaving…

For a bit of fun Jeremy explored the city, well he managed to get to a museum, and the next day we managed to meet up at the grand palace and reclining Buddha for some tourism. We also hit the night market where amazing shopping energy overcame my need for sleep (the night market is open until 1am and is enormous) and Jeremy was dragged for many mind numbing hours around while I accumulated a pile of presents for everyone back home.

I am amazed while I type this but we ALSO actually fit in an evening trip across the city to Bangkapi area where I volunteered 10 years ago. We had dinner with Steve Cable who was my “boss” back then at Santisuk Center and ran into an old friend that was one of my English students!

Despite the fun outings, never have we been happier to get on a plane and leave a city. Sadly our trip home was marred by an “Office Depot incident”. This is when I arrive at Office Depot at the Phuket mall (a 30 minute drive in the opposite direction from home) and I am overcome by the sheer stupidity and lack of brain power presented by the Office Depot employees as they struggle to fill my binder order. This has happened a few times in the past and generally the incident is characterized by my entrance, their confusion about my order (where it is, why the delay, whether they ordered 33 binders or 140-yes, this came as a question during the incident in question), followed by my own feeling of nausea that quickly turns into general malaise and weakness followed by a desperate need to drink water and nap. So. During my FOURTH trip to Office Depot this time (seriously I have been there 4 times now trying to sort out the 140 binders needed for the project) I had a terrible moment of extreme dehydration or exhaustion or something yet again. This culminated in what I view as an extreme act of desperation…an emergency nap on a chair in the mall! Ok, it was a cushy chair next to Au Bon Pain (yes they have them here too) but it was still very embarrassing. I just couldn’t take another step. It was starting to look like an Ecuador sickness relapse and while I do like the looks of the Phuket hospital I thought maybe a preventive rest would cure all. It did. I made it home. They actually came up with the correct binders after first offering me 33 and then forcing me to count every one of the 140 even though I was about to die. Amazingly I am still here to write about it. :)

In other news, over the weekend we moved into my new little house behind the Bang Niang market. It is in a weird sort of development where all the cute little houses look the same. Not what I look for in a neighborhood back home. But it was my best option here and is a sweet furnished little place with a great front porch. The photos are posted here.

There is one down side and that is a terrible mystery smell emanating from the bathroom. It is looking like a plumbing/sewage draining problem and since my rent has been paid up front and the owners are off to another province I am hoping that this can be resolved without the sewer fumes creating a fireball in the kitchen as soon as I light my burner…Concerning, yes. But it is Thailand and you just take it one day at a time. One stinky bathroom at a time.

Love from Bang Niang.

Jeremy is here!

I was so excited that I couldn’t sleep on Monday night. Since he had sort of a convoluted route to get to Bangkok and then a complicated midnight trip through the city to find a friend’s apartment I wasn’t totally convinced he would make it! I spent part of Tuesday afternoon at the mall in Phuket returning some office supplies (those mismatched folders I griped about in a previous post) and discovered the most wonderful grocery store on earth! It was amazing to wander through the aisles and find fresh bread and cookies, tortilla chips, cheddar cheese, everything you might want to make Mexican food-which I am craving! I was in heaven. So I entertained myself grocery shopping until it was time to go to the airport.

Jeremy arrived safe and sound and has been easing into the Thai life ever since. He still has the jet lag (good morning 2am) but the heat doesn’t bother him like it does me. I was really excited to show him around but maybe I should have stretched that out longer as he has now seen everything there is to see in Bang Niang. Sunset at the beach, favorite packs of puppies, coconut groves, 7-11, the outdoor market, the one gas station. Done.

With the local tour out of the way and me back at work Jeremy is working at the Pakarang Boatyard which is the site of the post-tsunami reconstruction of Thai long-tail fishing boats. However, the fishing boat project, like most tsunami projects, is just about done and so he is actually helping to build a huge sail boat that is being sailed around the world for an anti-child trafficking charity. The guys in the boatyard are lots of fun, the beach there is the best white sand clear water beach around, and the whole area is just quiet, filled with coconuts and palm trees, and full of power tools and wood. Perfect for Jer.

In other news, we have almost settled on a rental house and hopefully will actually negotiate a good deal this weekend and move in next week. Actually in the course of finding this house Jeremy got to have the true experience of house hunting in small town Thailand. This particular house only involved 2 phone calls, randomly knocking on their door, sitting through scalding hot coffee in the middle of the afternoon with the owner, and the involvement of 2 english speaking neighbors.

However, one other house was particularly troublesome. It involved driving to a restaurant in Khao Lak where I had been told that a waitress knew someone who had a friend renting a house. This took two separate trips. Once this connection was finally established the waitress made some long phone calls in Thai and set up a meeting the next day for 9am to see the house but we would have to drive back to Khao Lak and meet her at the restaurant to meet the owner because he didn’t want to try and speak English. Despite the fact that the house is next door to Tony Lodge and we could have walked there. So we went to the restaurant at 9am. The waitress doesn’t show until 9:30am. The owner is called. He is still an hour away doing something else. He shows an hour later very annoyed that he stayed out late and had to come and show this house in the morning, even though we had an appointment. He is wearing army fatigues from head to toe and driving a huge truck. He takes us to the house, which turns out to be his prostitute love nest. (!) At first we are assured that we will be very safe, no one mess with us, because he is “brother of Thai police chief.” THEN, he decides to brag to us that really he is the head of the Thai mafia family in a nearby town, Takuapa, and we would be VERY WISE to rent from him. During all of this he is glaring and evil and frightening. I have never had someone try to intimidate me into renting something-quite a sales tactic. With much apologizing we got out of there and now, according to the waitress, he is mad that every person he takes to see the house turns it down. Did I mention that it is bright pink inside, has the largest bed I have ever seen and the doorways are decorated with hanging crystal heart-shaped beads? What is a girl to do? Where are the NORMAL houses with normal landlords? Ha ha ha. It really is all very funny. After the fact.

Next week I have to be in Bangkok for meetings for a couple of days so Jeremy will join me and we’ll do a bit of sightseeing on the side. As much as Bangkok is a tiring place to be I’m really looking forward to a bit of big city again.

Love from Bang Niang.

Maybe one at a time puts you on the path...

I really am just a sucker for kids and puppies. And both are abundant here. Abundant numbers and abundant needs. I think it is easy for people to just look away because you feel really helpless. If you help one, what happens to the rest?

Last Thursday I went "to the field." In development speak this is when we get off our butts, drive endless hours to a remote location, and get the face to face research done. This is a much idealized moment when you are sitting behind a desk in the US. In reality it is never ever easy or comfortable. I have done field work in several countries now and it is sort of a love hate relationship. Inevitably you will have to eat strange and possibly unidentifiable food that is offered. Inevitably the bathroom options will be worse than just using the great outdoors. Inevitably the drive will be windy and never ending. And inevitably you will only get a quarter of what you set out to accomplish accomplished. (The love part comes later when you feel so proud that you are actually DOING something instead of writing or reading about it!)

So Thursday I drove with my Burmese liaison and another Burmese researcher up north of here to an area called Kuraburi. It was a very long drive since I didn't know where I was going. I never realized this before but when you are the driver and you know the destination it is not a problem. But having to rely on my passengers for directions I just constantly felt like asking "are we there yet?" We arrived at noon at a learning center, which is an informal school for Burmese children set up by a local NGO. We compared the list of kids we were looking for with the list of kids in their classes. We identified a few of our kids but were told that many had moved away when certain local fisheries closed and their caregivers needed to find work. We ate fish and rice with the teachers. We were given a tour of the nursery with dozens of adorable little kids snoozing on the floor for nap time. And all in all located and spoke to 3 out of the 11 we were hoping to find.

I try not to be discouraged but it was eye opening and made me realize several things. First, just how hard it is going to be to find the children on our list in a migrant community that moves a lot, is here illegally, and is scared to be found. Second, how tough it is going to be to do case management with the ones we do find when their families are SO poor and there are very few community resources for them. I mean, I am not a miracle worker just because I am from the United States. Sometimes I think my being there gives really false hope. And third, HOW MANY children are in need. Our list is just the beginning. For some reason we were given a list of all children without parental care in the province and this came down to 140. How is that possible? There are so many more!! The teachers at that learning center alone gave us a list of 12 more we need to look into and when we got back to the office I found out about 23 supposedly orphaned Burmese children to add to the list.

Thursday night I wanted to just sort of lay down and give up. How can you sort it all out? How to help everyone? How to even help ANY one?

When I got back to the office that evening there were 3 puppies laying in front, hiding in the flowerpots. They were bags of skin and bones, covered in sores and ticks, missing hair, two missing chunks of skin and one with a big hole in her side. I was so low. I previously promised myself that while I am here I will not get involved with any pets. So I left them. I actually hoped they would just walk into the street and get run over because I felt like I couldn't help every sad puppy here in southern Thailand. I had nightmares all night.

Friday dawned and I came and they were still here and I realized that it is just not in my nature to ignore something that I CAN do something about. So I took a trip to the vet (45 minutes away) and got the ball rolling to fix them up. And that ball is still rolling. With my encouragement our office is sort of adopting them and people have stopped hoping they will disappear so they don't have to deal with how sad they look.

I know that puppies are not children. But I do think that many people react the same way when they see something sad. Better to look away from one if you can't help them all. But I think that just being able to help something in a tangible way has given me hope and the reminder I needed that if our team can help even one child, improve even one life, it will be worth it. You just cannot focus on the tremendous number of need or you'll lose all hope. But one at a time puts you on the path.

With hope from Bang Niang.

You should probably skip this blog if you aren't interested in the happenings of my hair...

Last night it cooled down and I went for a long walk on the beach at sunset.
It was so refreshing and relaxing. At low tide the ocean leaves a huge expanse of beach to wander full of skittery little crabs, rocks and shells and strange sand shapes. I was alone but not lonely. It seems like a lot of time, during “normal life”, I feel lonely when I do things by myself. But when I travel I feel more accepting of being in my own skin. I think that outside of DC I just simply feel more capable, more accomplished. There is something about Washington DC that really inhibits me. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t have loved to have someone walking with me, but I also didn’t feel like I had to be talking or focusing on anything but the view and my thoughts. Great way to end a long weekend (Monday was one of millions of wonderful Thai holidays.)




This email is not going to interest anyone reading for the sake of learning about my work so you may want to log off after this paragraph. In a nutshell we managed to make an entire afternoon of getting an office phone installed and project business cards drafted. As much as I like my team I just can’t seem to split everyone up and trust that things will get done right yet and so we waste a lot of time functioning as a pack. But here is an example of why that is… Last week I asked one of them to bring back from Phuket’s Office Depot 140 ½ inch thick, two-hole, A4 sized binders for creating our case records. Very bizarrely she returned from the store with just 40, multi-colored and multi-sized, binders that cost quite a lot and can’t be returned unless we want to drive back to Phuket in the next 7 days. I am not sure what to do about this as it seemed obvious to me that they should all be the same size and color but she seems very pleased with the idea of using all sorts of binders for our one project. Cultural difference? Personal difference? I’m not sure but somehow we still need 100 more binders and have been informed by Office Depot over the phone that they couldn’t possibly order us just one color in one size. And, if we want to make any kind of order we have to pay up front. Not by credit or debit card, which we have, but through a bank transfer, which will of course involve an entire afternoon at the bank again. VERY strange. Even Office Depot isn’t itself over here. Ha ha ha.




(Left photo is my team at lunch.)

We may end this project with a rainbow of case records. So, that being said, I’m still sorting out who is good at what and who I need to manage more closely. I can’t always trust that my instructions will be followed – or maybe they are being misunderstood? It is interesting since this is really my first large supervisory experience…Definitely trial by fire. Anyway, we FINALLY finished my case management training for the team, and really it seemed so basic that I was embarrassed to give it. They are all so diligent about writing every word I say though, as if each thought will make or break the project and I can’t figure out what they are thinking. I expend so much energy being enthusiastic and miming things, trying to give examples, smiling and encouraging and speaking in my new “Thailish-which is VERY slow and basic English” that I want to drop and sleep every day at 4:30. But they are so serious, even when I’m joking. I must look such a fool sometimes. Wish I could see myself from their perspective. It is a little worrisome but I can’t do much about it.

Now on to more exciting news. Like hair!


(No hair photos but photos of my new room at Tony Lodge are posted to the right. )


For many reasons I am not posting photos of me on this blog. One of those reasons has been my very serious hair trauma. You know, normally my hair lies straight and shiny and listens to the directions of my hair dryer and brush. Worst case scenario is static cling. I take much pride in getting it right even if nothing else is working. Well….here we have a different story. I cut the hair short before coming and it was definitely the right decision on the other side of the world. Within 24 hours of arriving here though it staged a rebellion against the climate and has not sorted itself out. For the first week and a half my hair spent most of its days wet (within minutes after being blowdried), sticky, tucked behind my ears and doing this sort of strange frizz at the top. It has not been pretty folks.

BUT, here is my big finale…over the weekend my hair had second thoughts and has created its own new and perfectly acceptable hairstyle! It is too soon to post photos as I don’t want to count my chickens before they’re hatched. But I think I have some waves around the face, some nice sun streaks, and the frizzy/sweaty combo has sort of turned into fluffy and full volume. Lesson learned: you cannot fight nature and humidity.


Goodnight from Bang Niang.

The Sixth Sense

If you ever need some good divination I have met the man who claims to have the sixth sense. This happens to be Chang, my lovely guesthouse manager and owner of the much spoiled and adored Cocker Spaniel puppy Ta Ro. Chang and I have had a good relationship while I stayed at the Emerald Guesthouse. He speaks some English and is always friendly and helpful. Definitely protective of his guests and the guesthouse.

Sadly, yesterday, after an amazing day lounging at the beach, I returned to my room to find all of my spending money gone. It may not seem like a lot in dollars but 2,000 baht (about $70) goes a long way here.

I normally bring my camera bag with me in my little shoulder bag. I keep my money folded and tucked behind my camera and this all comes with me to work. Yesterday was the first day I was leaving any money in the room and so I remember taking a careful look at it. Decided to bring all of the small bills for snacks and left two 1,000 baht notes in the camera bag. Ironically I didn't want to bring it to the beach because I was scared I would lose it! At 5pm back in the guesthouse it was gone. I was so sad and surprised because I knew that Chang would be upset. I also think that in most hotels the policy is that anything left of value in the room is not the hotel's responsibility. So I sort of assumed that it was gone and spent the evening crying to Jeremy on the phone about all of the great food and presents it could have bought.

To make a long story short this has just been a hellish day. I moved out of the Emerald this morning (check out is by noon) and wasn't able to check in to Tony Lodge (new guesthouse-I am moving there for reasons completely unrelated to the theft) until 3pm. As I was checking out of Emerald, Chang stage whispered to me "Amanda, top secret investigation, I call you later today. I know who took money. I have sixth sense. Plus I ask other cleaners and they find 2,000 baht in someone's purse. I investigate but cannot accuse now or she may be angry and not clean rooms!" I had to laugh a little imagining him more worried about having to clean some rooms himself than other guests getting robbed. But not my concern so I took off.

I, very unwisely, hit downtown Khao Lak to shop for some floaty skirts and hanging plants. I don't know what training course the vendors have all taken but for some reason they find it most reasonable to FOLLOW me (literally peering right over my sweaty shoulder) around the store. Poking things under my nose, constantly asking "where you from? what you want to buy?" and then, having the NERVE to act all angry and put out when I say "just looking, just looking". What cultural connection am I missing here? One woman actually threw down a pair of shoes when I said that I didn't have enough money and would have to come back. Just threw them down and walked away! And while the male vendors are very friendly you just have the weirdest feeling that they are laughing behind your back. I don't like it. They have obviously been in the tourist trade for too long. At least in Latin America they are smiling or laughing appreciatively-not snickering! Anyway, I went up and down the main street half asleep and ensured that my face has gone from pink to tomato red all for 1 skirt and 2 plants. Surely all overpriced. I am so glad I live in Bang Niang and not Khao Lak. The thing is is that Thai people who are just living everyday life, selling small things at the local market, etc are friendly, kind and patient. It is the ones who sell to tourists in the resort towns that scorn you and treat you like crap. Bang Niang and the towns north of here are just different. More authentic.

Ok, so back to my main story. After several hours of near heat exhaustion I no sooner move into Tony Lodge than I get a call from Chang asking if I can come over to Emerald right away. When I arrive he invites me to sit at a little table, sort of in the half light of an office several doors away from the Emerald. There is food on the table and he and one of the cleaning girls are sitting there in the shadows. Money is layed out in front of her. All very creapy. I think Chang liked the idea of setting the scene. So instead of giving me a run down on what has happened he invites me to eat. So I chow down nervously on fried bananas and try not to make eye contact with anyone. Suddenly I am struck with the VERY THAI need for non-confrontation. Me! Laura Kinzel can you believe it? Well, CHANG is Chinese Thai and apparently has no fear of confrontation. He starts right in by asking if I would recognize my money if I saw it. What a funny way of deciding innocence or guilt. Can I recognize 2,000 baht. hahaha. Of course, there it is, sitting all folded up, JUST the way I keep it in my camera bag, next to the rest of the money from the girl's wallet which is nice and flat. We go through a little inquisition with Chang asking me to identify how I fold my money-demonstrating it over and over to the girl, if I recognize the little number mark on one of the bills (yes, it was put there by C-TRAC when they gave the money to me) and on and on. Triumphantly he harangues her ( I later find out he is threatening that I will call the police on her which is absolutely not true!) She cries but does not capitulate. He then brings out the owner's wife who gives a long lecture in Thai. Girl cries more. Doesn't say much at all. I feel HORRIBLE. Avoid looking at anyone, hunch small in my seat. It was so against anything I have seen thus far in the Thai culture!

Finally the girl was forced to hand me the money and apologize. I gave her a very sincere May Pen Ray (I forgive you/don't worry about it) and she ran off.

This finale was exactly what Chang was hoping for and he happily spent the next 20 minutes telling me all about how he has the sixth sense ("yes, don't you know Amanda? The sixth sense. I have it. Didn't Jessica or one of the others from C-TRAC tell you? I always know. I have sixth sense for long time.") He then told me that yes, he threatened the police (he found this tactic to be very scary and it was apparently what brought the whole thing to a conclusion.) He also told her that she has damaged his reputation (very harsh thing to say in Thailand) and on and on.
I was happy to just take the money and leave. Very much wishing I had not had to sit in on the inquisition.

So, I live in a small town. My internet cafe and new home are just down the street from the Emerald. So in a strange twist the girl saw me drive away to the internet place and as I was sitting down to type she came in and started talking to me in Thai. Someone translated for me. She was asking if I was writing an email home about everything. I said yes. She nodded acceptingly and then just said goodbye and walked out. Chang apparently also told her that I am married, here to work for a non-profit, and that I am not a tourist and actually need my money to live. She left without saying anything else and I certainly didn't know what to say. I don't know if now we have made peace. I am not sure what happened really. But to be honest, I do feel bad for her. She's now lost her job. I tried to tell Chang that she might have needed the money for something but he is a very good and typical Thai manager and already knows all about her life and even how much she has in the bank (this is common for an employer to be also sort of a mentor) and assured me that she doesn't need the money or if she did she could have asked him for it. So I guess she may just be a bad egg.... hard to say. I really do feel sad for her though.

And now my day is done and it really felt exhausting. Every day here is exhausting because of both the heat and the sort of long-drawn out way things get done. BUT, despite everything today I am still really glad to be here and excited about the work and my team and the people I have met so far. It is fun to live in a small town! I can get around easily, I know where people live, I can walk to the beach. I think that this life is just what I was craving this past year in DC.

I wish I had something more fascinating to write about. I know that some of you reading this are plant lovers and I wish you were here. I bought the most beautiful huge potted orchid today as well as a hanging plant that grows out of a piece of bark. Both for under $12 if you can believe it! And I probably paid too much. But my new room is really pretty and the plants fit right in. Korana-maybe some advice on caring for an orchid? The plant people said lots of things in Thai that I'm assuming were feeding and care instructions....oops.

Love from Bang Niang.